Enough with all my aches and pains! Today is a day for celebration. Today is my birthday. I am 60 years old at 1:20 pm. I was delivered by scheduled c-section at Parkview Hospital in Philadelphia, PA. That means something to astrologers. I know that I am a true Leo.
So, what have I learned in my 60 years of life. Well, for one thing, I am most certainly enough. In fact, I am a lot, more than enough. I'm finally doing things that benefit me, and taking care of myself. While, I still do things for others, I am no longer the people pleaser starving for attention and love. I have learned, especially the last 5 years, that I am a caring, compassionate, loving, kind and intelligent human being. I have learned to give for my own satisfaction, no longer for expectation. I have learned that kindness, even in it's simplest expression can have a real impact on someone's day. I have ;earned to share my joys with the world through actions. Don't get me wrong, I am still a dreamer and wisher of things, but those things no longer consume me. I am grateful now.
I didn't used to be grateful. I was angry and worried. I was angry at the world for constantly throwing obstacles in way. I would wallow in self-pity and fall into depression. My anxieties would overcome me and paralyzed with fear, I would do nothing. I blamed the world for that. My worries would take me down dark roads full of fear and mistrust. I didn't trust anyone especially not myself. I hated being alone. I was waiting for the proverbial knight on his gallant steed to gallop in and rescue me from my life. Needless to say, he never came. I had to rescue myself.
It was a hard lesson to learn, but a necessary one. Without learning to love, honor and cherish myself, I am sure I would be dead. I say that in all seriousness. There were times that I wanted to die. I tried to snuff out my existence. I was a truly miserable person. The enemy was winning.
However, I had to crawl out of that deep dark hole. It took everything I had. It took years of falling backward, and crawling forward to make it out, but I finally did. It was purely by the grace of God that I am alive. I acknowledge that. I know that he has some kind of purpose for my life. So, I took a vow, I would remain here on earth and try my best. God will show me what he wants me to do, and I will follow. It's quite simply a matter of faith. I never had faith before. I do now.
I normally have a name for the year of my birth or the new year. I didn't name 2025. But I will name the remainder of 2025 for my birthday. It is The Year of Actuality. It is the year that all of my dreams and hopes will begin to take shape and I will live my life accordingly. I am, for example, not no longer wishing I had my degree, I am pursuing it. I am no longer hoping for a promotion, but am making strides to get it. I am actually writing a book, instead of dreaming about writing. Albeit, the one book is taking a long time, I recognize that I am telling my truth, and that takes time. It will get done this year, and it will great.
I call myself a queen. It is not out of arrogance. It is a matter of necessity. I am a queen. I have no king, but that's okay. He'll come eventually. I'm ready. I ready for all kinds of adventures. I need to get my passport. I've decided to go to Italy after I graduate. It is my gift to myself. I will probably go alone. Who knows, I might meet a dashing Italian man. HA! There goes my imagination again. Oh well, at least I haven't lost the ability to dream.
Happy birthday, Queen. Many happy returns. May the next 365 days be all that you hope and wish for.
Peace, Joy, Love - B